I can’t forget the past.

Great is thy faithfulness. That is a phrase that is sometimes hard to believe. Some days as I struggle to stay afloat it is easy to turn my thoughts to all that is falling apart around me and wonder how God is being faithful.

 When I am fighting thoughts that say I am worthless. I find it hard to hear God say that I am priceless.

When I look at my mistakes and I feel like a failure I find it hard to hear God say I am chosen.  Who in their right mind would choose me?

When I am standing on the edge of giving up it can be hard to understand why God would continue to ask me to follow Him.

Yet here I am being reminded that His faithfulness is indeed great. Not because of some big miracle that has happened in the last 5 minutes kind of reminder. It is easy to see God when things are good. Instead I am seeing God as faithful because of how He has proven Himself as faithful in my past.

In recovery we are often told to look forward, not to the past. For many things that is true. It is very easy to get stuck in the past, never allowing us to move forward. Pain, unforgiveness, guilt; these are all things that can stunt our growth. Sometimes however, when my depression is bad, I NEED to look backward. In the same way that a dark night makes the stars shine, I sometimes need to look toward the ick to see where God has shown through.

Hindsight is sometimes required to really understand what is going on in a situation.

I think of the disciples who walked with Jesus for the extent of His ministry only to end up hiding after Jesus crucifixion. They walked, talked, ate, slept, and ministered with Jesus and still didn’t get it. It wasn’t until Jesus rose from the dead and appeared to them that they finally understood. They had to understand the complexity of what was going on and the only way they could do that was to look back at what Jesus had done. When they understood what He had already done, then they could have hope for the things He would do.

If you and I have placed our hope in Jesus then we have His Spirit within us.  Jeramiah 29:13 says,You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” (ESV) God wants to reveal His glory! God wants to show us His good works!

Yes there is darkness in this world. And when we look up at the night sky the darkness seems to be vaster than the stars. But when we focus on the stars we see the beauty.

So I look back. I remember. Then I can look forward.

God has been faithful. God will continue to be faithful. No matter how dark it seems, I can always find His light.

Great is His faithfulness.

Nate Stewart

National Director of Mental Health for Celebrate Recovery

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